The last month has been one of the most hectic in a while. There was the near break-down in mid-December, related to finals, the knowledge that I was failing classes, and the fear of not being able to pay for school and living expenses, etc. In the course of 36 hours I made the decision to withdraw from school and move back home for a little while. Although it was kind of ridiculously rash in retrospect, the relief that I felt at being able to shuck a few responsibilities, namely a full course-load and club leadership, was tangible, and honestly the best and least-stressed that I'd felt in weeks. I still had to coordinate moving home with my mom and get through explaining my apparent temporary failure to my dad, but everyone seems glad to have me home, and I'm soooo glad to be here. I miss Reno, and I miss my friends, and I miss some of the independence that I had living on my own, but this seems to be the right choice for me.
I've picked up a couple hours tutoring ESL to a pre-schooler who just moved back to the states from Egypt, and it's really interesting, and a lot of fun!! I'd never really thought of myself as a teacher, and I know that I don't get along with kids as well as my middle sister does (she's got some magic charm where she can get them to do pretty much anything, and they adore her for it. It works on a lot of adults, too. =/ ), but my student seems to like me well enough, and he's learning really quickly! I would actually like to spend more time with him, but his parents enrolled him and his little brother in a Montessori preschool, and really want him to get used to hanging out with other kids his age in a school environment. I still want to go to grad school and be a research Biologist, but I'm leaning more and more towards getting my teaching creditial when I settle somewhere and maybe spending a few years as a middle/high school science teacher. I have this fantasy where if I ever get together with EB, she'll go off to be her wonderful film-library self, and I can follow along to look after the house and make sure that she sleeps enough every night. I think I could do that as a teacher.
And this is where I do a 2X FACEPALM COMBO for being a romantic sap where people I know aren't looking, because I haven't even talked to the woman in a week, and I don't know if she even still wants to be friends. =/ It's totally my fault for not responding to a text last Saturday, but I was sick and had to take care of New Year's fireworks-panicked dogs, and then spent nearly all of last Sunday sick in bed with the worst headache I've had in years. I could have started up the conversation Monday, but I made the excuse that I had to help S pack up and get ready to go back to the army. And Tuesday she texted me to say she got my package, but I was too wrapped up in worrying about my interview and nervousness at talking again that I didn't respond. Wednesday I stared at my phone and went to work, and Thursday I hung out with Chloe and talked about Ladystuck and shared the best works that we've found so far. Friday, I worried some more, but decided that it was time to start in earnest on the housework I decided I'd put myself in charge of as part of compensation for living at home rent-free; I also got a text from EB saying she sent me the package of mix-CDs she'd been putting together since I left Reno. (OK, so maybe she does want to be friends...) and I made goulash for dinner. It was really good, too! Today I sent a her a "sorry I'm a moron" text explaining my tendency to panic over interrupted correspondence (I am the QUEEN of whatever nonsensical panic kingdom, which is why I rarely maintain friendships with people when we stop seeing each other regularly). I haven't heard back, but I'm going to try to keep my end of it up this time.
In other news, as mentioned above I've decided that I'm going to make an effort to keep the house and yard nice. Part of this includes a couple of large projects, like reseeding the back lawn and getting the garden ready for planting. Other parts include daily things like staying on top of the laundry (it's amazing the amount of laundry four people can produce!!) and the dishes. I also want to keep my room and bathroom neat. The latter may be more difficult since I share it with my youngest sister; she's a good kid, but she likes to look nice, and sometimes the counter looks like a hurricane ripped through when she's done getting ready in the morning. I also want to visit my grandma more often, finish a baby blanket for an old friend who's due in April, knit a whole bunch of things for a whole bunch of other people, participate in the podficbigbang, do more podficcing in general, get an A in physics (although first I have to jump through flaming hoops at the community college and UNR to prove my prereqs and actually register for the damned class), and not go crazy being back in my hometown. It helps that I've got my own room this time around (my granmother's old room) and have my own space for the first time in about forever. All in all,. I'm looking forward to this year and this term, and I really hope that I can keep my stuff together this time so I can graduate next December and get my grown-up show on the road!